Understanding The Concept of Access

Access generally refers to the ability or right to approach, enter, or use something. In the context of interpersonal relationships and personal boundaries, access pertains to how much of yourself—your time, energy, thoughts, and emotions—you allow others to engage with or influence.

It is important that we address this topic because many of us underestimate the importance of regulating how people access us and expose ourselves to unnecessary and unhealthy stressors.

In this three part article, we’ll go in depth to create an awareness of the different ways that we allow others access to ourselves, how to manage the access, and when severing access is the best option. Let’s start by talking about…

Different Ways to Grant People Access to Ourselves:

1. Emotional Access:

• Definition: Allowing others to understand and engage with your feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities. By far, this is the most impactful type of access to grant anyone, and for the simple reason that our emotional states play a significant role in our decision making process.
• How It’s Granted: Sharing personal experiences, expressing feelings, discussing fears or aspirations, and being open about your emotional state. It takes a lot of vulnerability to this, and doing this creates a lot of vulnerability. This should be thoughtfully considered.

2. Physical Access:

• Definition: Permitting others to be in your physical space or proximity. Shared space is a concept that is still a challenge for humans to maneuver due to a lot of different socio-political constructs. Shared personal space can be a challenge to manage and requires a lot of tolerance and acceptance.
• How It’s Granted: Inviting someone into your home, spending time together in public places, or allowing them to be present during personal activities. Again, granting anyone this kind of access to you should be thoughtfully done.

1. Social Access:

• Definition: Allowing others to connect with you socially, whether in group settings or one-on-one interactions. Something is usually at risk when it comes to being socially accessible. Typically, information about yourself and your reputation is at stake when you socialize. Your reputation depends so much on how you manage information about yourself when it comes to social access, and these things carry consequences.
• How It’s Granted: Accepting invitations to social gatherings, engaging in conversations, or participating in shared activities, such as hobbies or events. It can often be an enjoyable experience when you grant socially responsible people this type of access.

1. Time Access:

• Definition: Granting others the privilege of your time and attention. Time and attention are two of the biggest markets currently. Unfortunately, many people cannot fully appreciate how this information applies on a personal level. There are still people who expect that others should immediately have the time to pay attention to whatever they have to say. Nobody is entitled to anyone’s time and attention except they are paying for it with other important social currencies. Knowing who, how and when to grant time and attention is important.
• How It’s Granted: Scheduling meetings, calls, or hangouts; responding to messages; or being available for support or companionship. Time and attention are important trading tools.

1. Intellectual Access:

• Definition: Sharing your thoughts, ideas, knowledge, and insights with others. Thought leadership is a thing in the 21st century and there are some remarkable thought leaders in our time. Knowing the right audience to share these with is a valuable skill.
• How It’s Granted: Engaging in discussions, providing feedback, collaborating on projects, or teaching and mentoring. It can be a very rewarding process if done right.

1. Digital Access:

• Definition: Allowing others to interact with you through digital platforms. Digital interaction management should be a course because there’s need for it. It is not uncommon to see strangers engage in destructive ways on social media platforms. It is a personal goal to immediately disconnect from any platform once I encounter digitally hostile people directly. While I can empathize with the human condition, nothing says that I must participate in certain behaviors. If we can’t be polite as supposedly intelligent social creatures, then we have no business even in the digital world.
• How It’s Granted: Sharing social media accounts, providing access to online documents, or communicating via email, text, or video calls.

1. Financial Access:

• Definition: Sharing financial resources or allowing others to influence financial decisions. Money is a language that even a newborn child understands. Even if we don’t know the science of money, we often understand the impact of granting people access to our finances because the consequences are immediate and palpable.
• How It’s Granted: Offering financial assistance, sharing bank information, or making joint financial commitments.

1. Intimate Access:

• Definition: Granting someone access to your intimate or personal life, including romantic and sexual relationships. This is another very important form of access. It cannot be overemphasized as we all have varying parameters that we use in determining who gains this kind of access to us.
• How It’s Granted: Engaging in romantic relationships, physical intimacy, or sharing deeply personal aspects of your life. It can make or mare, and there’s nothing more to say beyond that.

1. Advisory Access:

• Definition: Allowing others to provide guidance, support, or advice in your life. Last year, we talked about the importance of mentors and the criteria for determining the right person to allow such powers. There are experiences that we may never live enough to accommodate in our lifetimes. Having a mentor therefore is a valid way to enrich your life.
• How It’s Granted: Seeking counsel from friends, family, or professionals, or being open to feedback and suggestions.

Considerations When Granting Access:

When deciding how and when to grant access to yourself, it’s important to consider factors such as trust, mutual respect, emotional safety, and the potential impact on your well-being. Establishing and communicating boundaries is crucial to ensure that your access is balanced and that your needs are met.

Most importantly, understand that you rarely grant any kind of access in isolation. This means that granting one type of access makes room for other types of access – sometimes a herald access, other times a compound access.

Be on the lookout for the second part of this article. Kindly leave a like or comment, and share with your circle. Don’t forget to sign up for our quarterly newsletter.