Diffusing Conflicts

If you are someone who likes to exist in emotionally and psychologically healthy environments, then it is very important to learn how to deescalate potentially rowdy situations.

A direct duty of relating with people living with mental health diagnoses is diffusing situations that can culminate in physical harm to all persons involved. This is something that I’ve had to deal with at least twice a week, and want to share what I’ve learned so far.

Diffusing conflict in any environment—be it at home, work, or in a community—requires a combination of communication skills, empathy, and strategic approaches. Here are some effective strategies to help diffuse conflict:

1. Stay Calm: Your demeanor can influence the situation. Take deep breaths, maintain a calm voice, and control your body language to avoid escalating tensions. Note that you will not simply be able to do this without practicing it. Something I’ve learned is that humans have low tolerance to distress and immediately swoop in to play ‘savior’ for either the person in distress or the ‘imagined’ outcome of the distress. A person in distress is not necessarily a dangerous or a helpless person. Tolerate the display of distress by remaining calm till the person in distress can mirror you.
2. Listen Actively: Give the other person a chance to express their feelings and viewpoints. Show that you are listening through nodding, maintaining eye contact, and responding appropriately. Remember that sometimes, you neither need to respond nor apologize; you only just need to listen and acknowledge. In observation, people are quick to assume that they know what someone else is talking about before they are done saying it. Nothing is more insulting (and sometimes infuriating), than assuming that you already know what a person needs without letting them finish what they are saying.
3. Acknowledge Feelings: Validate the emotions of those involved in the conflict. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in making others feel heard and understood. If you are someone with low tolerance for distress, chances are that you’ll be more concerned with soothing yourself than acknowledging the next person’s feelings. You can do this by becoming argumentative, thus creating a power struggle dynamic, or by becoming overly sympathetic to the other person’s undisciplined tendencies. Addressing this personal wobble is key to knowing how to effectively manage emotions.
4. Use “I” Statements: Instead of placing blame, express your feelings using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel upset when…”) to communicate your perspective without sounding accusatory. Staying on what the actual problem is can be a challenge especially when attention is hyper focused on emotions. Do your utmost best to constructively bring the statement of the actual problem to light.
5. Find Common Ground: Identify areas of agreement or shared interests. This is where awareness, insight, and judgment play essential roles. Highlighting common goals can help shift the focus from conflict to collaboration. In certain environments, you don’t need to re-vocalize shared goals unless there’s a high conflict personality in the mix. Otherwise, you only need to continue to focus on what is important on per moment basis as this is an effective cue.
6. Stay Solution-Focused: Encourage a problem-solving mindset by discussing potential solutions rather than dwelling on the issues. Ask open-ended questions to promote dialogue. Once again, bear in mind that people with high conflict personalities will often find a way to turn even the most basic conversations into an argument thereby completely defeating the purpose of a dialogue. You must know when silence is golden.
7. Set Boundaries: If the conflict escalates, it may be necessary to set boundaries. You can suggest a break or a change of environment to cool down. It is the case that when we think of setting boundaries with people, we tend to be other people centered in our minds and think about stopping them from crossing our personal boundaries. There’s a second half of this medallion; you can entirely focus on never stepping out of your own boundaries ever by applying neutrality and passivity to the situation.
8. Seek Mediation: If the conflict persists, consider involving a neutral third party to mediate the discussion. This can provide an impartial perspective and facilitate resolution. The pitfalls of third party involvement is that we may only consider the outcomes impartial if it favors us, especially in situations with no established rules. Again, if you don’t pull your own end of the rope, there’s essentially no tug of war going on. It really is that simple sometimes.
9. Practice Empathy: Try to understand the other person’s perspective. Empathy can build rapport and reduce the emotional charge of the conflict. Being empathetic doesn’t in any way equal to putting yourself in harm’s way. If someone has sufficiently betrayed an intention to cause harm, you are at total liberty to withhold your empathy. Self-preservation must not be sacrificed for empathy.
10. Follow Up: After the conflict has been addressed, check in with the involved parties to ensure that the resolution is holding and relationships are mending.
11. Create a Positive Environment: Create an environment that encourages open communication, respect, and teamwork. This proactive approach can help prevent conflicts from arising in the first place. If there continues to be an uprising regardless of this, then someone is disrespectful of order in the mix. In my experience, the one who finds it difficult to respect people and boundaries is also the one who cries foul the most. Pay attention and adjust accordingly.
12. Reflect on the Experience: After resolving the conflict, take time to reflect on what happened and what could be done differently in the future to prevent similar situations. However, if the conflict is pervasive, then a permanent solution has to be made. Sometimes, the solution can be starving the situation and persons of attention of any kind or providing ultimatums for all involved.

By applying these strategies, you can effectively diffuse conflicts and promote a more harmonious environment. Remember that you achieve more when your mental output and efforts are focused on the task at hand.

Go ahead and leave us a comment on some of your best practices on managing conflict in the comments section. Meanwhile, like and share with your friends. If you haven’t subscribed to our quarterly newsletter yet, you are missing out on knowing it first!